I’ve been meaning to write a blog about the result from the pet scan, but there has been so much going on this past week that I have been too emotionally overwhelmed to find the moment to sit down and write the blog. The good news is that, there was nothing worst that came out of the pet scan from what we already knew. I still only have metastatic in the liver and nowhere else in the body, thank god for that. The doctor says once my fertility process is over, I will start chemotherapy and first I will have 3 rounds of chemo with 3 weeks apart and then after that the doctors will decide if I have an operation at that point to remove the metastatic in my liver or continue with chemo.
Emotionally I have been in a downward spiral since the annual festival dinner of my search and rescue team the past weekend. My search and rescue team hold a lottery raffle every year at the event and this year, they decided to give all the proceeds toward my cancer battle. Which I thought was so generous of them and I wanted show my appreciation by making my attendance. But maybe battling cancer and being around drunk people don’t mix too well. I was feeling very positive and in the fighting spirit that I have been for the weeks leading up to it and most people complimented me on my strength and resilience. However, sometimes when people get drunk they loose any sense of what is appropriate and there was one such drunk individual, that all though meaning well, said all the wrong things, enough to ruin the evening for me and not just the evening, but the rest of my weekend. There are certain things that you simply don’t say to people with cancer and you can actually find such lists on the internet if you are not sure what that is. The things he said to me, that upset me were that all the people he knew that thad suffered cancer had all died from it, if not straight away, then in 10 – 15 year, once it had return and that he would cry at my funeral. Ravi was furious when he heard what he said and told me that I should have told him back that sooner I would cry at his funeral. This is the reason why I really need Ravi here with me. He is always ready to fight my corner if I am not able to do it myself and he always knows what to say to make me feel better and to make me smile.
The same weekend my family had a another shock that I can not disclose here as it still a sensitive subject and not mine to tell. Following that I started my fertility treatment, which make me hyper emotional and not equipped to handle any stressful situation, like the one with Ravis visa process, which seems to take forever. By the end of this week I was on the verge of having emotional break down when my mother took me out of the city to a cabin in the country side. It was crucial for me at that point to change my environment and get a break from reality. I am feeling much better now and I intend to stay here a little longer.Perhaps I will feel more motivated to write while I am here.